Breaking The Habit
by Shinri Kaze M.O.C
Summary: After over a year, i am back! I return with a songfic, set to "Breaking The Habit" by Linkin Park. Rated R for Graphic detail. Haruka gives into a temptation. Do not read if you are an easily triggered self-injurer


My (hopefully) triumphant return to fanfic writing! (Aren't you all excited?) A songfic about cutting set to Linkin Park. What could be better? Oh, nothing! Anyway, It's been awhile, so the usual disclaimers apply: I don't own Sailor Moon, or any of it's characters. I don't own Linkin Park ('though, I wish I did, cuz Chester & Mike are sexy!) or any of their songs. I do own this songfic, though.  
  
P.S.- Rated R for graphic detail, strong language, violence, and possibly adult themes. P.P.S.- If you are a Self-Injurer, please use caution when reading this, it could be very TRIGGERING!  
  
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Breaking The Habit (lyrics by Linkin Park)  
  
**"Memories consume Like opening the wound  
  
I'm picking me apart again."  
  
Haruka sat on her bed, thinking. She wondered why she was even alive. She didn't deserve anything, especially Michiru. Haruka never understood why Michiru always forgave her, for every unforgivable thing she could even think of doing. Not like everyone else. Everyone else in her not-so-distant past that left her over petty differences in a pool of tears. And blood.  
  
**"You all assume I'm safe here in my room [Unless I try to start again]."  
  
Michiru, Setsuna, and Hotaru were all downstairs, most likely preparing dinner. "No one would ever have to know," Haruka thought to herself. She pulled open the top drawer of her bedside table, and began tossing everything onto the floor as she dug deeper. Magazines, her comb, & several half-used bottles of lotion all fell to the carpeting until she found the small, rectangular container. She held it to her eyes, so she could see how many were left. Nearly Eight. She clutched the box in her fist and breathed deeply.  
  
**"I don't want to be the one The battles always choose 'Cause inside I realize  
  
That I'm the one confused."  
  
Haruka fought the urge for as long as she could, but finally slipped one of the razorblades out of it's little house, and flicked it around in her fingertips. Then she began thinking again. "What would Michi say if she saw this?" "How can I bring myself to hurt her like this?" "How could I explain it to Hotaru?" She convinced herself not to do it, and put the little blade on top of the dresser, and began pacing alongside the bed.  
  
**"I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream I don't know why I instigate And say what I don't mean I don't know how I got this way I know it's not all right So I'm Breaking the habit  
  
Tonight."  
  
Suddenly she got angry with herself for wanting to start this nonsense again. She flung everything back into the drawer, and tossed the razor into the garbage can. "No," she thought, "I am stronger than this. I don't need this anymore. That was far away, and a long time ago." It was over.  
  
**"Clutching my cure I tightly lock the door I try to catch my breath again."  
  
It was after she tossed the single blade away that she realized that the rest of them were still in the drawer. If she really wanted to beat this, she figured, she'd have thrown the whole thing away. Her breath got shorter as she crept toward the door, and locked it. She dashed back to the dresser, and flung things out faster this time, before pulling the container out again.  
  
**"I hurt much more  
  
Than any time before  
  
I had no options left again."  
  
The new razor glittered in her fingers. Every word she thought in her head seemed to create a new deep red line on her body. "No one." SLICE "can." SLICE "love." SLICE "me." SLICE "for." SLICE "myself." SLICE  
  
**"I'll paint it on the walls  
  
'cause I'm the one at fault I'll never fight again This is how it ends."  
  
Haruka heard a key rattle in the door, with Michiru's voice accompanying it. "Haruka, you don't have to lock the door while you're in the shower, no one's going to." Her sentence was stopped short by a gasp. Haruka was sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed, crying. Six bleeding cuts shimmered on her arms and chest, and her weapon lay next to her. Michiru ran to her side. "Are you all right?" she asked, her eye filled with tears. Haruka nodded. Michiru helped her into the bathroom, and started to clean her cuts. As Michiru put ointment on each one, her eyes grew more and more misty. Finally, she just had to ask. "Why, Haruka?" She looked to the floor, ashamed that she had hurt the one person who cared. A sob racked her, and she couldn't find her voice. Michiru said nothing, but started applying bandages to her lover.  
  
**"I don't know what worth fighting for Or why I have to scream."  
  
Michiru looked down at Haruka. "Whatever your reason," she said, "I will still love you."  
  
**"But now I have some clarity To show you what I mean I don't know how I got this way  
  
I'll never be all right."  
  
"I. I really didn't have a reason," Haruka finally whispered, "Except for just the need to do it. Stupid thoughts clogged my head, and that was the only way I saw to get rid of them." She continued, "I know I hurt you. I even thought of you before I did it. You've got to understand, Michi. in the heat of the moment, everything disappears." Michiru wrapped her arms around Haruka, and kissed her on the head. "We're all human, Haruka. Take it one day at a time. I'll be here for you. With you."  
  
**"So I'm."  
  
Haruka stood up, and headed back into the bedroom. She bent down, and picked up the package of razors.  
  
**"Breaking the habit."  
  
She walked over to the window, opened it, and tossed them into the sea below.  
  
**"Breaking the habit."  
  
She glanced up at Michiru, who took her hand. And they walked arm in arm downstairs for dinner.  
  
**"Tonight." 


End file.
